My truth about food, training, body image, and being authentic

Hey guys! I’ve been wanting to do more health & fitness related posts for a while now. I love the fashion side but I LOVE the fitness side of life so much more! I have to be honest with you though, as much as I wanted to sit and write something about my workouts or diet, I couldn’t. Every time I sat down I was discouraged and couldn’t figure out what to write about. I didn’t want to share my work outs because I wasn’t enjoying them and I didn’t want to touch on food because I was having an unhealthy relationship with it. Upfront – this is a long post but it’s worth it! 

Now I’ve been brutally honest with you guys that I was having some hard times working though the self talk that I said to myself. That was really only a small part of the picture as a whole and once I started reevaluating things in my life again, I saw that I was lying to myself about a lot of things. 

The first thing I want to touch on is weight. Weight’s a number just like a ton of other numbers in the world yet this one can occupy a lot of our attention. It swallowed up mine for months. I know a lot of trainers, gurus, etc tell you to not worry about the number – its about how you feel. I totally agree with this, however what happens when the number is crap and you feel like crap… there needs to be a change asap. 

Here’s what happened to me, about 2 years ago I was working out like a crazy person for about 2 hours a day with resistance training, intervals, and barre classes. I went from being skinny fat & unhealthy 115lbs to a lean 115. and I loved every minute of it, yet still had my insecurities of what I thought I needed to work on. That insecurity was my legs and glutes. I started following several bikini competitors on Instagram and saw exactly what I wanted… or so I thought at the time. I started working out my glutes by adding in exercises that specifically targeted them. I couldn’t believe how weak I was in this area because I never trained it before! 

I started to see changes within a few months and I was thrilled! I kept the training going and stopped the barre classes. With this in mind I started working out my core and glutes 2-3 times a week EACH! I kept that process going for about a year and kicked my own ass literally day in and day out. What ended up happening was a weight gain from 115 to 129, but I didn’t know it because I didn’t weigh myself – I was going off of how I felt. I didn’t really pay attention because I said to myself “This is good! That’s what I’m working for!”… wrong. That weight gain brought on a stomach issue with bloating, loss of any definition/toning I had, total lack of self confidence, and habits of eating more because I was burning more. Now this may not seem like a big jump to most but when clothes fit differently in bad way, you realize there’s something going on. Small moves create the biggest changes and that’s definitely what happened. 

In October I went to Miami. Up until 2 1/2 weeks ago that was the last time I had a positive outlook on my workouts, body and myself. I know my posts talked about owning who you are and talking about what you know about yourself and I still stand by those. They were catalysts to help me move to the place I am now. Right this minute I am the happiest I’ve been in 2 years, I feel like myself again, I’m in absolute love with my workouts again, and I have created a healthy understanding of food intake. 

For the last few months I was a complete head case trying to figure out what I was doing different from the time when I was leaner. My diet had stayed the same, my workouts only got more intense, and I was still active day to day. I actually thought I wasn’t getting enough food for my training level or I was dehydrated. After seeing me so unhappy my dad was on me constantly about tracking what I was eating. He said countless times that if I had changed nothing else it must be how much food I’m intaking. I fought because I didn’t want to be a “calorie counter”. 

All I can say is that the saying is true – listen to your parents šŸ˜‰ After much fighting I decided FINE I’ll do it but I KNOW nothing will change, I eat SO good! Wrong again. Even though I eat healthy and have minimum cheats, I was eating too many good things. Like 300-900 extra calories a day too many. Yes, even healthy foods can pack on pounds. I was in shock, I had always assumed I was taking care of myself, that the number on the scale was a reflection of how much muscle I put on. Nope, again I was so wrong. Now please understand I am not saying there was something wrong with being 129 its just that I was uncomfortable putting on that much size in muscle for me. Everyone has their own goals and what works for them and that just wasn’t working for me. To each their own – everyone needs to find out their goals and what they want to work for šŸ™‚ 

Now I am counting and planning my food out daily according to how many calories I burn each day. I am around 2,000-2,300/day depending on my activity level. I am consuming around 1,500-1,700 now and have fully realized how unhealthy I was being with food. I was eating WAYYYY too much for my body! In these 2 weeks I have dropped some amount of weight each day. Today I am proud to say I am 123.7 lbs & getting back my definition! For me I need to focus on that goal weight because for me it was all about getting back to 115. However through this process I have realized that I am content in the range from 118 – 124 and I can be happy and RELAX! I still eat super healthy with cheats of course šŸ˜‰ I’ve been having ice cream, and drinking during these weeks but I’ve also been planning around those things as well. All in all, its been a very eye opening experience to learn more about myself and my habits. I’ve had to relearn a lot of aspects I thought I knew. 

For all of you that may be struggling with the same thing or a similar issue I urge you to get a food diary! I’ve been using the Fitlosphy Fitbook. Writing down everything and learning was what changed that game for me! I know it may not be fun to “plan” your whole day but what I’ve realized is that I am only hungry when I get to eat and some days I get to eat a TON! It’s been really fun actually seeing the breakdown of what I am eating. 

Along with tracking everything I also went back to my old school workouts. I’m excited to get working on these very soon to share with you all! With this aspect, I realized how much I was overtraining as well. I’ve now taken ab training completely off my workouts and taken glutes down to 1x a week. I’m letting my body atrophy for about 5 weeks before decide if I really want to add it back in. 

What this LONG post is really about in the end is that I realized I was overeating and overtraining. I got burnt out, put on weight, became unhappy but found a way out of it. Fitness is my way of life. I love being physically fit and being able to take care of myself. I felt like I was lying to myself for so long and I was because I was assuming I knew the answers, I am so thrilled to be on the other side of it now and to continually getting better for ME! 

Thanks for reading & remember you can email info@keiamclean.com anytime and I’ll do my best to help šŸ™‚ I know how this area can be hard for people as it was for me and  want to help in anyway I can! 

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4 Comments

  1. S
    July 24, 2015 / 1:55 am

    What is it that you eat? Diet is my biggest struggle. I can figure out the gym just not the kitchen.

    • Keia McLean
      July 28, 2015 / 10:59 pm

      Hi there! Totally understand getting it in the gym but having trouble with the kitchen, I think that’s a lot of people problem! I eat pretty clean, I did do a breakdown about what I do eat normally (heres the link – http://keiamclean.com/le-blog/2015/6/2/extraordinary-eats-the-breakdown)

      But it’s really about what finding works for you! I would try consuming more protein, veggies, and whole foods and taking out a lot of the processed, heavy carbs, and sugars and see if you notice a difference! Hope this helps! I’ll be doing more food posts so keep checking back šŸ™‚
      xo Keia

    • Keia McLean
      July 28, 2015 / 10:55 pm

      Thanks Eni! Happy for our friendship too girl!
      xo Keia

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